RazZ's Rant

August 28th, 2007

Things I've learned in my return to Nintendo.

So, if you haven't noticed, RazZ has been a little....preoccupied as of late. Turns out, RazZ's buddy hooked him up with a modded Xbox a few days ago.

Turns out, RazZ is still a fuckin' junkie for old school, original Nintendo.

Turns out, RazZ isn't as good as he was 20 years ago.

So here's my list of things I've (re)learned over the last few days.

1. Playing Chip n' Dale's Rescue Rangers doesn't make you a fag.
2. My fiancee, my mother-in-law, and Mario are the only 3 Italians I'll allow in my house.
3. After all these years, I still hold firm that Luigi is nothing more than a good for nothing leech, riding the coat tails of his brothers fame and fortune. If he were a Jackson, he'd be Jermaine. No. No he'd be Tito. Fuckin' Tito.
4. 146-7 win at Ice Hockey at age 10 = 146-0 shutout loss at age 28.
5. I still swear that bitch from Metroid has a cock.
6. Tyson's eye twitch in Punch Out should have been a dead giveaway for the problems he's face down the road. Even in an 8-bit video game, the dude is fuckin' creepy.
7. I still want a 3-way with Zelda and The Princess.
8. I hate the name "Peach". Fuck that. She's The Princess, and I'd hit that shit.
9. She'd rather be with a short Italian than a dude with massive "horns"? Mario is Ron Jeremy.
10. Hearing "Blades Of Steel!" still gives me half a wood.

That's it for now. Give me a few more days, and I'll have more bad things to say about Tito...er...Luigi.

RazZ writes every....whenever....for IllitPress.com, as well as being the editor-in-chief, and an all around kick ass guy.

Don't agree with him? Then drop him a line @ webmaster@illitpress.com